Struggling With Addiction In The Middle East

Hello readers! Happy Independence Day! I was really stoked this morning to realize that Syria has a fourth of July too. Of course for them it's just "Sunday", but I think I picked up on some extra good will floating around. I hope all of you are enjoying your barbecues and fireworks shows; I will be grilling lamb, eating hummus, and drinking crappy whiskey until I remember all the words to the Star Spangled Banner. On a more serious note, here is a something I jotted recently about a terrible problem I am having.

In my zeal to adapt to life in the Middle East, I am afraid I have picked up a habit that is quite common among the locals, and which could have disastrous effects on my life and health. I hardly think I need to name the habit in question, but I will say that the more I try to resist it, the more I find that I am in the grips of a powerful chemical force.

In the States, this habit would not be economically or socially viable, but it is so affordable and widely practiced in Syria, that it is hard to say no. Everywhere you go here people offer you left and right. There is so much downtime in Damascene culture that people do it just to fill the day. Sometimes in the mornings I buy what should be enough for a week, and find myself back at the store for more in just a few hours. It just feels so good, and it so easily accompanies any activity; here, they even let you do it in restaurants!

The behavior I am referring to is, of course, eating humus.

Back home, I was lucky enough to grow up near Sahadi, an excellent Middle Eastern grocery store, so I had always been a fan of humus, but I relied mostly on my parents to supply it and regulate my consumption. When I went away to college, it was easy to stay away; the quality in Pennsylvania and Colorado did not compare to what I was used to, and it was too expensive to purchase on my student budget. When got here, however, and found a dealer just a few blocks from my house in the Old City, all hell broke lose.

You might think this post is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but this is no laughing matter. I eat a disgusting amount of humus. I can easily eat half a kilogram in one sitting. I eat it with everything – bread, eggs, meat, a spoon. The other day I seriously considered trying to make it into a tea. What’s worse is, I don’t think I will ever be able to function normally without it. Whenever we run out on Fridays, when the Arab stores close for a day of prayer, I find myself lying in bed motionless, moaning deliriously for hours. One particularly tough Friday, I did manage to get out of bed, but only so that I could stumble to Umayyad Mosque and search for the shop owner and beg him to give me, “just a taste! Two kilos, please!” I was promptly escorted out, and told never to return.

I don’t know what I am going to do now that classes have started, because it is a faux paux to eat in the classroom, and I can’t bare the embarrassment of returning from the “bathroom” with chickpea stains all over my face again. If anyone has a good idea of how I can deal with this dilemma, I want to know, because this is a serious problem. Below is a poem that I recently wrote for a bowl of hummus in my refrigerator:

O Bowl of Hummus
Thy texture is so smooth
Like desert sand
Thy taste incredible
Like water to a parched traveler

I caress thee with bread
Kiss thee with veggies
Hug thee with mine Tupperware
I care for thee like a mother bear for her cub
Until I consume you

If only Romeo had had just a taste of your glory
He would have forgotten Juliet in an instant

I wish to bathe with you, in you
To commune with your blended splendor
Until our souls are one
And I am nothing but chickpea, tahini, and olive oil

Yours forever,

E.H. Bernstein

I hope that this post finds everyone well. I cannot believe I have been in Damascus for over a month and that my trip is half over. I wouldn’t say time has flown by, but as always, in retrospect, it seems like no time at all. I am already having to plan my end-of-summer trip in late July, and I guess it's really not that far off. Anyway, shout out to Max Bosworth who just found a job - Forell, get your s*@% together.

All my best to all of you loyal readers!

- Habeeb Al’Hummus